The economy is in the dumper. We've tried to turn things around by throwing money at the problem; maybe you've heard of the stimulus, a.k.a. the Let's Get Out Of Debt By Spending Money At A Rate That Would Make A Drunken Frat Boy With A Trust Fund At A Strip Club Blush Sure That Might Work Act of 2009.
We've tried talking China into buying more of our debt like some kind of retarded grandmother convinced that if she wires just $2500 more she'll finally get that $8 billion that nice man with the Nigerian accent named Joe Bradley has been promising her for four months now.
We're in the middle of trying to nationalize the banking sector. I'm going to go out on a limb and predict total and abysmal failure for that one as well. I know, I know -- there's that crazy blog guy going out on a limb again. Where does that leave us? In my opinion we have only one hope. One way out of this mess that won't end up with us all working for the government and calling each other "comrade":
Not just any old superhero, mind you. Superman could kick my butt in .03 seconds flat. Wonder Woman could tie me up with the lasso and do all sorts of things to me that I'll talk about on my other blog That Hurts I Didn't Say Stop. I could take Aquaman if we were on dry land, because he's basically worthless if he's not in the water. But you get my point.
No, we need a new generation of heroes to rescue us. I'll introduce them to you in the coming days (or weeks -- whatever I feel like. I'm in charge here). Pray for these brave souls that they might deliver us from evil.