Saturday, January 3, 2009

Running Diary of a Falcons Game (part 2)

5:13 pm: The Falcons fumble and the Cardinals pick it out of the air and return it for a TD. Next time just hand it directly to the defender instead of the running back. Cut out the middle man.

5:26 pm: Falcons second sequence: Holding, delay of game, throw souvenir to an Arizona fan. I already saw this movie and it sucks. Not as much as Mama Mia!, but close enough.

5:28 pm: Thomas DeCoud (I swear I thought his name was DeCloud the whole year) just hit the punt returner early. Coach Smith better settle these guys down quick.

5:32pm: Chris Houston just tried to climb into Boldin's uniform on a 3rd-and-5. No flag, but the linesman did make Houston give back Boldins's watch.

5:42pm: Dominique Foxworth comes off the field. This is bad. He's the closest thing to a cornerback the Falcons have.

5:43pm: Now even the white guy on Arizona is catching the ball. This game is over.

5:48pm: 28-17 Cardinals. Hey I just remembered: I have a bottle of Jack Daniels!

6:01pm: My girlfriend giggles for the 734th time today after hearing the Tom Hammond say "penetration in the backfield".

6:18pm: Let's check the Falcons' checklist for success: Turn the ball over -- check. Fail to run the ball with any authority -- check. Make Edgerrin James look like a useful NFL back for the first time all year -- check. Leave fire and enthusiasm at the airport -- check. Plot fourth quarter comeback with 3-yard-passes -- check. If I wasn't watching the game, I'd swear we were up 40-6.

6:34pm: Hmm. I'm weakside linebacker for the Falcons. I can either cover the running back who might catch the ball for 3 yards on 3rd and 16, or I can stay with the tight end running past me toward the first down line. I cover the tight end. Incomplete pass, Falcons get the ball back. Unfortunately Keith Brooking is actually the weakside linebacker for the Falcons.

6:35pm: I was going to make meatloaf for dinner, but instead I'll have some Falcon eggs. The laid so many out in the desert, I'm sure no one will notice if one or two go missing.

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