* You can totally trust the government to run your healthcare, your companies and your life. They totally have their crap together. Everything's going to be great.
* Playboy has seen its profits drop yet again, this time suffering a decline of $13.7 million for the first quarter of 2009. In a world of easy access to every kind of debauchery from fetish porn to cats eating cheeseburgers and cracking wise, is there a place for big glossy magazines full of airbrushed pictures of surgically enhanced nekkid women? Throw in dubious commentary on the arts and politics and consider me skeptical.
* The economy is in a recession. The government is looking for new taxes to pay for, well, everything. Ordinary Americans are looking for ways to cut expenses and weather the storm. Times are tough for the dedicated men and women in our government, who are working night and day to solve this crisis. What haven't they tried? I know: giant fundraiser in Vegas!