Right now I am trying to perform the drinking maneuver called "the Ant". It's when you drink 50 times your own body weight in beer. I have also by now probably had the La Crosse Oktoberfest's world famous gyro. Each bite is like having you back rubbed by an orgasm.
Until the last one, that is. Once the last bite is taken, a weight like a brick crashes into your bowel. Your digestive tract misfires continuously for the next 48 hours. Once that 48 hours is over, you begin counting down until the next chance you have to get one. The meat is supposed to be lamb, of course. I'm not convinced. I have a sneaking suspicion that the meat is actually Greek homeless people. Because of this, we Festgoers refer to it as "soylent greek". God, it's good.
Anyway, I wanted to bring a bit of Oktoberfest to you, the reader. In that spirit, please to enjoy these easily obtained YouTube clips.
First up is Strange Brew, the greatest Oktoberfest-related movie ever:
Next up, an oompa-band member who decided his horn would make a great funnel (warning: video contains strong language):
And finally, the reason I need to go to Oktoberfest in the first place. No beer and no TV make me something something: