Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Mistakes You Are Making Right Now That Keep You From Getting Laid, Dude

There's an article on GQ that bills itself as "a style guide to everything you (as a guy) are doing wrong". I agree wholeheartedly with this list, largely because I am guilty of none of them. They include things like frosting the tips of your hair, wearing sports jerseys, and getting fake tans.

I thought I'd add a few more things to the list.
  • Having anything attached to the back of your car that isn't required by the state.Grateful Dead stickers. Gore 2000. Those inane Coexist things. They don't make you look smart, connected, or witty. They make you look like the type of person who wears tennis shoes with a sport coat.

  • Wearing tennis shoes with a sport coat. It's meant to strike the perfect balance between dressy and relaxed. Instead, it says you don't own shoes you can't play basketball in.

  • Wearing pajamas in public. Shockingly, women are more likely to perpetrate this hideous crime on the public, but guys shouldn't do it either. Not even if your date wears Hello Kitty PJs to T.G.I. Fridays.

  • Capri pants. You either read this one and said, "duh" or there is no hope for you. That is all.

  • Pink.Clothes. Cars. The singer. Doesn't matter.

  • Pretending you like crap just to get laid. This seems counterintuitive until you realize that most of the crap marketed at women has a dual purpose: as a manhood test. Twilight, Sex and the City, Grey's Anatomy -- professing admiration for these things might seem to get you closer to that girl you've been eyeing. What it really does is cause her stud detector reading to drop faster than support for government healthcare. It's an easy trap, don't fall for it.

  • Little dogs. Okay, this may just be me. Dogs are supposed to be big an vicious, like Cujo, or big and loveable like Scooby Doo, or big and lazy like that one dog I had.

  • Being seen reading GQ.Sorry, GQ. You know I'm right.


  1. So exactly how did you come across this article in Gentleman's Quarterly anyway, Jay.

    Come on, be honest.