Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Most Powerful Force In The Universe

What is the most persistent force in the universe? Gravity? The T-1000? The fundraising arm of Minnesota State Univeristy - Moorhead? No, none of these things come close to the unstoppable puissance, the unwavering determinedness, the pure distilled Shaftness of sperm. From an ABC News blog:

In 1988, a 15-year-old girl living in the small southern African nation of Lesotho came to local doctors with all the symptoms of a woman in labor. But the doctors were quickly puzzled because, upon examination, she didn't have a vagina.

Yet by looking at her records the hospital staff realized the young woman was in the hospital 278 days earlier with a knife wound to her stomach.

The girl arrived at the hospital with an empty stomach -- and therefore with little stomach acid around -- and doctors found two holes from a stab wound that opened her stomach up to her abdominal cavity. The case report said doctors washed her stomach out with a salt solution and stitched her up.

"A plausible explanation for this pregnancy is that spermatozoa gained access to the reproductive organs via the injured gastrointestinal tract," the authors wrote.

Infertility experts note the story, which resurfaced on a Discovery magazine blog, is not only a testament to Murphy's Law but one to arguably nature's most impressive swimmers: sperm.
I didn't quote the part about how the woman got stabbed because this is nominally a family blog. Suffice to say that the woman got caught Clintoning a guy who wasn't her boyfriend. The boyfriend reacted as any loving and concerned boyfriend would; he whipped out a knife and went all cuisinarty on everybody in the room. Now, here's a pictorial representation of a partial of swimmers that sperm can outrace:

Okay, now that we've got that straight (figure of speech there, Greg), let's review:

  • Sperm is an unstoppable impregnating machine that doesn't require a vaginal opening to get a woman pregnant.

  • Don't date a guy in Lesotho who likes knives.

  • "Clintoning" is now a word, if it wasn't already.

  • Forget black; always bet on pearl.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, let's review my reactions to this blog post:

    1. Wow.
    2. Ew.
    3. I'm never leaving the house again, and you're going to have to live outside.
    4. I like the new word "cuisinarty" better than the word "Clintoning."