Consumer Advocacy Guide (In Unstructured BASIC)

Consumer adovcates are fun. They get outraged over some perceived injustice and go into nanny mode, pushing for all sorts of government oversight for things that could better be managed with willpower. Occasionally, these forays end up causing the harm they were originally intended to prevent.  That's always fun. Plus, they're so cute when they get all frothy about how blood and death will follow in the wake of ignoring their sane, sensible approach to safety. Even when ignoring them doesn't lead to any such thing. Even when listening to them doesn't change a single blessed thing.

That's not to say that consumer safety is unimportant. It would just be nice if these issues could be debated without the copious amounts of hyperbole and excited fatalism they normally engender. Until that exalted day arrives, here is a handy guide for the budding fatalistic amrageddon junkie consumer advocate written in the closest thing to a universal language the cosmos has ever known.  Unstructured BASIC.

10 REM Copyright 1973 Amalgamated Mechano-Machines, Inc.
20 READ THING1
30 PRINT "THIS REALLY PISSES ME OFF:"
40 PRINT THING1
50 PRINT "I AM GOING TO LOBBY FOR LAWS THAT MAKE"
60 PRINT "PEOPLE THINK THE WAY I DO."
70 LET EVERYONEFEELMYTERRIBLEWRATH
80 IF EVERYONEISMISERABLE THEN 100
90 GOTO 50
100 PRINT "MY WORK HERE IS DONE"