She May Really Be That Into You

News from the world of science that should give men everywhere hope: it turns out that most of the time women don't know when they're turned on.

We've all been there, guys. Well, not me personally, but you have: you make eye contact with a beautiful girl at a party or a bar or outside a Taco Bell. You saunter over and lay your best line on her. "Hey baby, is Heaven missing an Angel? 'Cause your boobs are awesome!" And she dumps her 64 oz Diet Dr. Pepper on your head. Don't sweat it. She didn't know how turned on she actually was.

So, the next time you send a drink to that hot brunette on the other side of the bar and the disgust comes from her face like a torpedo at a fishing trawler, don't despair. She just doesn't realize how hot you're making her.

Stimulus Or Slush Fund?

First were the reports that stimulus money was being reported on the recovery.gov website as creating or "saving" jobs in Congressional districts that didn't exist. The feds cleaned up that mess by lumping all those funds into an "unassigned" category. Problem solved!

Now it looks like there's another little snafu with tracking this money. An investigation in New Mexico has turned up $28 million dollars worth of funds allocated to zip codes that don't exist.

If it isn't clear to you that the purpose of the stimulus was to get money into the hands of friends of the administration, it should be. Being a number off -- say, 59013 for Fargo instead of 58103 -- is possible, even likely in a tracking effort this large. But numerous examples of nonexistent zip codes in one state? It doesn't add up, unless that money went to something far outside the scope of the stimulus. And now that money is just gone, as there's no way to track it. Which is exactly how it was supposed to happen.

Assume $28 million is the midrange for this. Multiplied across 50 states and you are looking at over a billion dollars of money that's just... gone.

Dispatch From The Future -- Airline Security

Date: June 17th, 2017

Re: A History of Airline Security Procedures

September 10, 2001: No, we're good. Thanks.

September 12, 2001: Everyone is a potential terrorist. Procedures put in place to screen passengers.

September 13, 2001: Additional procedures put in place to alleviate racial profiling. For every male of Middle Eastern descent searched, twelve members of the following groups must be likewise searched: nuns, grandmothers, autistic children, chihuahuas, "little people", the sightless.

December 22, 2001: Richard Reid tries to blow up an international flight bound for Miami with an improvised shoe bomb. Procedures are immediately put in place that force all airline passengers to remove their shoes.

September 18, 2006: After a bomber attempts to destroy a plane with liquid explosives, passengers are barred from bringing vessels that carry more than three ounces of liquid through airport security lines.

December 25, 2009: A Nigerian man attempts to blow up a flight from Amsterdam by smuggling explosives taped to his legs onto a plane. Understandably, new procedures are put in place: the screeners at the airport were fired. Passengers on international flights will not ba allowed to use electronic devices for the last hour of the flight. Hands must be visible at all times, and will not be allowed to be hidden inside a snuggly blanket. Wait, what?

March 14, 2011: After a Russian national attempts to blow up a plane by mixing Mentos and Diet Coke, snacks and drinks are banned from all flights.

December 9, 2011: A Sudanese man's attempt to bring an explosive device on board in his underwear leads to all passengers being strip searched.

August 18, 2012: After a Nigerian immigrant fails to properly inspect the flaps on a Delta flight out of Dallas, causing an emergency landing, flaps are removed from all planes in domestic fleets.

January 3, 2013: Terrorist mastermind Kali al Zawal confesses his favorite color is red. Northwest airlines is ordered by the federal government to redesign its logo.

March 10, 2015: New plastic explosive technology allows a Algerian to weave a bomb into his shirt. Passengers on all international flights are required to disrobe before boarding. A nominal fee is charged by the airline for a robe.

November 23, 2016: After a bomb travels past a security checkpoint when the bomber hands it to a TSA agent and says, "hey, hold this for a minute", the TSA agent is fired all planes are fitted with steel security cages that lower onto each seat. Due to the extra weight, planes can now only carry eight passengers. A ticket from Atlanta to Denver costs $7000 one way. The TSA says in a statement, "the system worked."

Trading Liberty For Security

A retired Air Force general appeared on Fox News and stated the position that the U.S. must begin strip searching Muslim males between 18 and 28 years old before they are allowed to board airplanes. His rationale is that

“If we continue to be politically correct then we’re going to have to have a disaster.”

First, let me say that I agree with that quote 100%. Unless we begin looking at muslim men with a hard and heavy eye, a plane will eventually explode in the air above this country.

Second, let me say that I disagree with the general's plan of action. It's a question of priorities.

On one hand is the desire for security. That desire is magnified in the immediate aftermath of an incident like the near-miss on Christmas Day 2009. The understandable knee-jerk reaction is to call for measures we would normally abhor.

However, this desire must be balanced with the freedoms and rights we expect as Americans. I realize that the likely targets of racial profiling under the general's plan would not be American citizens. That doesn't matter. The ideals behind our Constitution apply to all people. We're just supposed to do a better job of upholding them.

Targeted profiling, using intelligence, pyschological techniques and good old-fashioned intuition makes a lot of sense. Trading the ideas of privacy and innocence until proven guilty for an unmeasurable level of security is wrong.

The question is, are those ideas worth sacrificing if it prevents a bomb from destroying a plane? As someone who will be travelling by air a minimum of six times this year, I say no.

There must be some level at which the need for security outweighs the primacy of individual rights, but we're not there. Thankfully, from where we are I can't see that level.

(Link via Instapundit)

Thirty Years Of (Mostly) Shame

I have been a sports fan since about the age of six. I grew up in Georgia, and became a diehard fan of the two main sports franchises in Atlanta, the Braves and Falcons. I don't count the Hawks, because, well, it's the NBA. The Dominique-Spud-Doc years were fun, but.... Also, I met Tree Rollins in the Macon mall when I was a kid. Let me tell you, he's not called "Tree" because of his extensive root system or coloful foliage.

So, it's been Falcons, Braves or bust for over thirty years now. No wonder I have so many complexes. Let me give you a quick rundown of these teams highlights since 1978 or so:

The Falcons we all set to go to the NFC championship game in 1980 (?). Their defense had spent most of the day pummeling Roger Staubach and the hated Cowboys into submission. Staubach's kids were crying and calling the police to see if anything could be done. Finally, the Falcons knock the quarterback out of the game and in comes rookie Danny White. Two touchdowns later, the Falcons are out of the playoffs.

The Braves start off the 1982 season 13-0. The finish the season losing 19 of 21. The first game of the playoffs (which they made only because another team lost) gets rained out with the Braves winning. The next day the game is started over for some reason. The Braves get swept.

In 1991 the Braves shock everyone by not only being good, but by catching and passing the early nineties answer to the SS, the Dodgers. They seem nondescript now, but trust me: in 1991 the Dodgers were unadulterated evil, like American Idol winners are today. The Braves lost the series in seven games to the Twins, but the future looks bright. They go on to win their division thirteen years in a row. They win one World Series though, and are looked at largely as failures.

The Falcons years of suckitude finally pay off when they draft an honest-to-jeebus future Hall of Famer in Deion Sanders. He is everything he is billed to be (covers receivers like a blanket, tackles like one too). The Falcons make the playoffs a couple times in there, but nothing comes of it. Deion flees to greener pastures for lots more money. The Falcons sink back into the mire.

In 1998 the Falcons make the NFC Championship game against Randy Moss and the Vikings. Every Green Bay fan I know is in my apartment rooting on Atlanta in a game they were supposed to lose by thirty-two touchdowns (despite being 14-2 going into the game: Vegas understands the Falcons). Doesn't matter. The Falcons pull the upset in overtime. The Falcons are dancing, the Vikings are crying, and the parking lot of the Twinkie Dome is littered with thousands of those annoying car window flags that every car in Minnesota was legally required to display in 1998. On the the Superbowl -- where Eugene Robinson gets arrested for soliciting an undercover cop the night before the game. Whew -- I almost rooted for a championship team there for a minute.

And here we are today. The Braves are good-but-not-good-enough. The Falcons have followed up their great 2008 season by having to win against Tampa Bay today to finish 9-7. If it happens, it would be the first time in the history of the team that they have winning records in consecutive seasons.

At least the Hawks are pretty good.

Updated at 3:36 PM: They did it! 20-10 over the Buccaneers, in 2010 no less. A single ray of heavily filtered sunshine on the cesspool of Atlanta fandom. Feel the excitement!

New Year's Resolutions (2010 Edition)

It's time to make an arbitrary list of my faults, in hope that the mere shame of it all forces me to better myself. Here goes:

1. Get a bigger house: the place I share with Donna (and Macy) is simply too small. My closet is a suspended wooden dowel in the basement. My computer is in the living room. I need more space.


2. Play more poker: I haven't been playing as much lately, and it is mainly because, while I can get many people to play, I can never get anyone to host. See #1. I've also gotten some enthusiasm on playing some weekend tournaments at one of our many fine Indian casinos.


3. Lose that 20 pounds I was supposed to lose last year: no explanation needed.


4. Top the 395 posts I wrote in 2009.


5. Go on at least one stargazing trip: we took the telescope out a few times and saw some really cool skies. But one thing I've been meaning to do is go out into rural North Dakota one summer night, far away from any city lights, and show Macy and Donna what the night sky can really look like.


6. Get promoted: I need to step up my game at work to get promoted. Now if I can just get my boss to let me lead a big project...

New Year, New Look

Well, the blog is offically one year old. With that, I decided to play around with the look a bit. One of the things I didn't like with the old template was the extremely narrow columns. This template fixes that.

The only problem I am having is getting my banner graphic to fill the entire banner control. Oh well. I'll keep trying.

Anyway, let me know if you like the new look.

Oh, and...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!