Tuesday, May 10, 2011

An Immigration Presser Translated

President Obama held a press conference on the U.S. Mexican border today to talk about immigration reform. It can be difficult to decipher politco-speak, so allow me to translate:
"We have gone above and beyond what was requested by the very Republicans who said they supported broader reform as long as we got serious about enforcement," Obama said. "But even though we've answered these concerns, I gotta say I suspect there are still going to be some who are trying to move the goal posts on us one more time."
Translation: We answered those concerns by fighting tooth and nail to stop individual states from enforcing the laws the federal government won't. I don't know how to make it clearer to these knuckleheads that we don't care about their concerns, and yet they continue to insist that we take them seriously. What's up with that?

"Maybe they'll need a moat," he said mockingly to laughter from the crowd. "Maybe they'll want alligators in the moat."
Translation: Ignore that huge tunnel over there.

"I want incomes for middle class families to rise again. I want prosperity in this country to be widely shared. I want everybody to be able to reach that American dream, and that’s why immigration reform is an economic imperative."
Translation: I know what you're thinking; 'shared' is just a euphemism for 'redistribution' and that the American dream is for actual Americans. Shut up.

"We need Washington to know that there is a movement for reform gathering strength from coast to coast. That's how we'll get this done."
Translation: The big labor movement failed. The 'let's get behind healthcare reform' movement failed.  The 'Obama was courageous for killing bin Laden' movement failed. I'm due for one of these stupid movements to pan out.

"You make it here if you try."
Translation: It's not like there's enough border guards to cover the whole desert.

He said he would lead a "constructive and civil debate" on the issue but publicly questioned the motives of Republicans and their ability to keep their word.
Translation: Hey, no fair! You're supposed to be on my side, Associated Press!

(Cross posted at Say Anything)

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