Thursday, April 21, 2011

Do Women Really Think This Way?

I know a fair number of women. In general they're rational, intelligent, interesting people. They have jobs and families. They drink the occasional beer or glass of wine. They have hopes and dreams and all that happy crap.

None of the women I know seem like insecure idiots. Is it because I'm just lucky enough that the women I know are all above average in the brains and confidence departments? Or am I not seeing the "real" them and they are all actually like the women in this Slate article come off like bad parodies?

My friend "Portia" tends to manipulate situations to get what she wants. In the past, I've indulged this behavior because she has a good heart. The situation devolved last year, after the mutual friend who introduced me to Portia—"Melinda"—got engaged, and then so did I. Portia started playing mental games, sometimes acting as if she didn't even know me, other times trying to drive a wedge between Melinda and me. At Melinda's bridal shower, she only spoke to me when she could insult me. Then, at Melinda's wedding reception, she shoved the maid of honor to the floor because she was doing up the bustle "wrong," spent an hour crying to complete strangers, then had a fight with another bridesmaid on the dance floor. Then she ditched the party completely to hang out with bridesmaids (also strangers) from a different wedding in the same hotel..

Let's imagine this happened to me. Some "friend" of mine got all cuckoo for crazy puffs and started playing weird mind games, assaulting groomsmen and generally "acting a fool", as my 4th grade teacher Mrs. Gordon would say. Here is how I would handle it: I'd never invite him to anything again. I would advise others to do the same. If I was going to be at a function and he showed up, I would consider leaving.

How does the letter writer feel about her miserable excuse for a friend?

And yet I miss her! I wish that she'd been willing to talk, that I could get an apology, and that we could be buddies again.
The absurdity doesn't end there. The advice columnist to which this missive was penned understands complete how the writer feels; of course she wants to still be buddies with someone who assaulted a bridesmaid, kicked her around, toyed with her emotions, ditched your wedding to hang out with strangers and pissed all over your friendship. Because "[i]t can be fun, of course, to have friends who are complete nightmares." Really? Is this how women feel about people like this? I'd like to chalk it up to the two women in the entire world who think this way running into each other by accident. Ladies, please tell me this is the case.

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