Siouxicide Solution

I have a modest proposal for resolving the fight over the use of the Fighting Sioux nickname for the University of North Dakota. I belive it would both calm the fears of those who believe the nickname demeans the Sioux tribe and fosters negative stereotypes while allowing the spirit and strength supporters have come to expect and love in their beloved UND sports teams.

I give you Fighting Sue.


She's strong, feminine (long hair and eye makeup counts as feminine in this context), and ready to kick some tail. Also, she will be able to avoid charges of stereotyping and racism (while "woman" is a protected class, I believe it is mitigated by the fact that "white" is the least protected class, with a score of -1500 on the American Protected Class Matrix (below), which assigns a score from 1 to 10, with 1 being least protected and 10 having the strongest protection).

(Click to enlarge)

I can see it now; Fighting Sue shirts, hats, warmup jackets, lunchboxes, dipilatories, testosterone supplements: the possibilites are endless. And best of all, we can once again live in perfect harmony with our Native American brothers.