In A Perfect (Orwellian) World, All People Would Be Danica Patrick

Here is what Danica Partick, NASCAR driver, Go Daddy titillator, and statesman had to say when asked about the current debate over mandatory contraception funding:



"I leave it up to the government to make good decisions for Americans."

The problem, Ms. Patrick, is that in the eyes of government all Americans are equal but some are more equal than others.

(Bonus note: did you know you can read the collected works of George Orwell, Mark Twain, William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and Charles Darwin online for free?)

Worst Comment of the Day (8/17/2011)

Today's comment comes to us from SocialBlunder, accompanying a Slate article arguing against banning incandescent light bulbs:

If you think it is safe to wait for a deus ex machina to reduce CO2 before climate change caused agriculture failure, flooding, droughts then waiting for innovation is reasonable. Unfortunately we are already above 350 ppm (http://www.350.org/en/understanding-350#11). Adding coal plants and developing tar sand oil are now moral issues. Patio heaters, heated car seats, light bulbs, and fireplaces in air conditioned hotel lobbies are those same issues writ small. 

It is the role of government to ban or tax undesirable behavior. This has to mean behavioral change – I don’t think we will find an energy source as calorie dense as fossil fuels, so “luxurious” patio heaters may have to give way to warmer socks and a sweater.

Who gets to decide what is undesirable? The government? Pass. It amazes me that anyone could write this with a straight face. I guess they think that if that sort of totalitarianism ever comes to pass, they'll be magically elevated to the role of arbiter based on their ideological purity or something.

Until that happens, excuse me while I point and laugh.

Does This Mean I Can Shop At WalMart Now?

"A coalition of groups that advocate for the elderly and poor are urging California online shoppers to boycott Amazon.com because of its refusal to collect state sales tax on purchases made through the website.

Organizations including California Alliance for Retired Americans, the Health and Human Services Network of California, Health Access, the Western Center on Law and Poverty, the California Immigration Policy Center, the California Partnership held a Sacramento press conference on Aug. 15 to announce the creation of the Think Before You Click website. They urged people to cancel their Amazon accounts."

HAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAHAA! No, seriously. Good luck with that.

Some Other Warning Labels the FDA Might Want to Consider

Hey, look! The government is launching its next offensive in the war on tobacco! Now, at least 50% of a cigarette package's surface area will have to include disgusting images portraying the possible consequences of smoking:

No kidding.

It seems only fair that other dangerous products get treated the same way. To help the FDA along, I've mocked up some helpful warning labels to add to some existing products that are known to cause illness, death, and other negative words that get lawyers all a-twitter. (Click to enlarge)

Seriously. There's even some pseudo-scientific
mumbo jumbo to back it up.

You First, Jerks

Aw... some rich people think their taxes aren't high enough. So naturally they think taxes should be raised for everybody in their tax bracket. Isn't that sweet.

Hey, you really want to set an example? Go to this website and make a gift of all that extra money laying around that you feel so guilty about having. Hopefully that will relieve you of the urge to tell other people what they should do with theirs. Jerks.

(h/t Instapundit)

Michael Vick: A New Dog Could Help My Rehabilitation



Aww, isn't that cute.  He's so -- RUN
PUPPY!  RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!



So, Michael Vick, quarterback, secret agent, sportsman, smuggler, financial genius, and ladies man, says in an interview with something called "The Grio.com" that getting a new dog would be something he could get behind.  Because, you know, when someone treats something like crap, the best way to rehab is to get more of it.

In other news:

• Charles Manson is thinking about adopting some hippies
• Marion Barry was spotted Christmas shopping at a crack pipe superstore
• Jesse James is eyeing a Gestapo uniform on eBay
• David Hasselhoff could sure go for a burger and a bourbon
• Nikki Sixx is reading up on that new heroin diet he's been hearing so much about
• Kenny Rogers figures one more visit to the plastic surgeon couldn't hurt
• Lindsay Lohan thinks that 2-for-1's at the Crown Bar are the perfect way to relax while she reads scripts

Master Race Basketball -- It's Craaaaptastic!

It's being reported that plans for an "all-white" basketball league are in the works. This is dumb on so many levels, but let's allow the brains behind this brainless operation to point them out:

According to the Chronicle, Lewis said he wants to emphasize "fundamental basketball" instead of "street ball" played by "people of color."

"There's nothing hatred about what we're doing," Lewis told the paper. "I don't hate anyone of color."

Lewis pointed out recent incidents in the NBA, including Gilbert Arenas' suspension for bringing a gun into the Washington Wizards locker room, and said, "Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch?"

First, the idea that minorities are unable to play "fundamental basketball", whatever that is, is patently false. Secondly, if I went to an NBA game, I wouldn't walk in fearing for my life or worried that some seven-footer might wave his crotch at me in a threatening manner. I'd be worried I might be at a Timberwolves game.

I suspect that this is a misguided attempt to generate publicity (and thus financial backers) to what will almost certainly be an abject failure of a league.

It's also possible that this is some sort of veiled protest at the double standard when it comes to exclusionary institutions. There are legitimate gripes to be had about a country that allows womens-only schools, blacks-only schools, etc., but frowns upon male-only institutions. I doubt that's what this is, but it's possible. If so, it's one of the dumbest ways to go about it in recent memory.

Who's The Enemy Here?

Here are some examples of the level of respect for the military in some quarters:

Marine Recruiting Office Protest and Counter Protest

Berkley Marine Protest

San Francisco Anti-War Rally

Now, here's the reaction from your common every day mugger.

Say what you want about Code Pink, socialist hippies and cowards conscientious objectors. At least you know they aren't muggers.

Vaccinate Your @&#*!^$ Kids

Below is a news report from Australia about a baby who died from whooping cough, which, along with measles, is making a comeback in parts of that country. The reason? A growing percentage of chlidren who aren't getting vaccinated.

One of the interviewees is a woman who runs a "vaccination education" group that preaches homeopathic treatments instead of vaccinations. Among the brilliance on display in her segments is the idea that measles and whooping cough "weren't killing peopole 30 years ago so why should they kill people now".

Of course, this is largely true but only because the vacccine for measles was introduced in 1963 and the pertussis vaccine was in widespread use by the late 1940's. Before that, those diseases killed plenty of people.

And while it is also true that the mortality rates from these diseases were declining significantly before the introduction of mass vaccinations, this was undoubtedly due to the increased availablity and technical advancement of medical care. Not frigging homeopathy. You know who was still dying from these diseases after mass vaccinations? The people who weren't getting vaccinated.

(Don't watch this if you don't want to become angry and punch a homeopathist.)


(Thanks to RTftLC)

Your Kid May Be An Honor Student But He Has Idiots For Parents

An open letter to parents of students at Ellen Hopkins Elementary School in Moorhead, Minnesota:

Are you one of those parents who park in the middle of the driving lane in front of the entrance, trapping cars who have parked legally for drop off along the curb? Do you do this because your precious darlings can't be expected to walk more than thirty feet to get into school? I've got news for you: your kids go and play in the snow banks without gloves or boots before class begins. If they're going to get frostbite, it won't be because of the walk from your car to the building.

Do you just like to create traffic jams in the parking lot? If so, then you are an idiot and should have your driving privileges revoked. I'm serious. You're too stupid to be allowed to drive.

Do you think you're just too special to have to pull up to the next open spot on the curb? You're not. Unless we're talking "special" in the short bus sense, you, sir or madam, are not special. Your kids aren't special either. I don't care if they're honor students (what does that even mean at an elementary school). It's clear you never were. Or if you were, then it just goes to show that honor students at elementary schools can grow up to be morons.

Why don't you try setting a good example for your kids for once and obey the rules about drop offs. It's not that hard. Even an elementary school honor student could figure it out.

Ummm... You're A Pompous Jerk

When did starting a post with "ummm, no" become de rigeur? I'd like to know who started this trend. You've read their posts on blogs around the intertubes:

Ummm, no. Everyone knows that Heroes is the best show on television.

Ummm, no. I think you should learn something about economics then get back to me.

Ummm, no. I could crush this entire city under the weight of my enormous member.

It strikes the perfect balance between condescension and jackassery that makes comment sections such a joy to visit. If you catch yourself doing this, for the love of Bender stop!

People Who Offend Me

I don't mind ignorance; ignorance can be fixed and isn't always the fault of the person displaying it. Stupidity is a different animal; it's low and potentially dangerous. When it's practiced by someone looking to make a name for himself with the act, it offends me.

The most recent example of this is Igor Panarin, a KGB-trained analyst for the Kremlin in Russia. He has predicted that by 2010 the United States will fracture, causing various states and regions to align with other nations.

Serously. Read the whole thing.

Alabama pledging allegiance to Mexico. Is this what Roy Moore fought for? As for North Dakota, we've been inconvenienced by far too many RV's with Manitoba plates parking across seven parking spots in our mall parking lots to ever throw in with Canada.

This is likely to become a recurring award. As stupid as ole Igor is, I'm bound to come across someone worse; we're only three days into the new year.