Brett Favre Just Screwing With Us Now

Brett Favre has spent the last few offseasons toying with prospective suitors -- first the Packers, then several teams that hoped to gain his services after he finally pissed off Green Bay's front office for the last time, and now the Vikings -- by playing coy about his intentions. Would he play? Would he retire? Both? That last sounds facetious, but he oscillated so much during these most recent offseasons, it seemed like he was trying to perform that seemingly impossible feat.

Apparently, the Man With The Golden Ego has tired of the will-he-or-won't-he game. Now he has moved on to seeing if he can make random, unaffiliated parties do his bidding. He told the Southern Mississippi baseball team he would play another season in the NFL if the Golden Eagles made the College World Series.

I don't know for sure if this is a ploy to make the Vikings look as inept as possible, or just a game Favre made up to pass the time, like a G-rated Saw. Either way, I look forward to statements from Favre in the future that ties his employment decision to random tasks.

• If Brad Childress can drink twelve cups of coffee in less than fifteen minutes, I'll come to training camp.
• If I can glue deer antlers to my helmet, I'll play this season for the league minimum salary.
• If the NFL institutes a no-using-your-hands rule for defenses, I'll cut my interceptions nearly in half.
• If Green Bay will erect a statue in my honor, I'll retire.