Iron Chef (Okay, Maybe Tungsten, Or Perhaps Molybdenum)

For many, cooking is a chore. It's a necessary evil, like flossing or Congress. Some avoid it altogether, choosing instead to eat out as often as possible and subsist on bologna sandwiches and grape Crush when funds are low. I personally enjoy cooking, and I've much better at it now than I was three or four years ago. In that time, I've discovered the secrets to happy, successful cooking.

Step 1: Hire A Good Sous Chef. A solid backup is imperative. Someone who can dice an onion, stir a sauce, and sharpen a knife while you're drinking wine is an invaluable resource.

Step 1: Check

Step 2: Prepare A Menu. Knowing what you're going to be making ahead of time is smart. That way you can prepare the ingredients, plan on an execution strategy, and find the number of a good takeout place that serves the same thing if you start the kitchen on fire.

Note to self: talk to Macy's teacher about
adding "broccoli" to next week's spelling list.

Step 3: Prepare The Ingredients.  Preparation is everything. Having everything measured out, chopped, diced, washed and peeled makes the whole endeavor run smoothly. The French call it "mise en place".  Those French; they have a pretentious phrase for everything!

Macy got the hang of egg wash battering in a hurry.

Step 4:  Cook.  All the preparation and wine drinking leads up to this.The execution of the meal is almost as satisfying as eating it. No fires, no burns, no blackened remains hurled out the back door: these are the trappings of a successful foray in the culinary world.

Most definitely not takeout.

Step 5: Enjoy The Fruits Of Your Labor. After it's all said and done, you finally get to eat. If you're like me, you're likely at least a half bottle of wine into this thing, so the food is bound to taste delicious no matter what.  But if you followed these steps closely, more likely than not you've created something to be proud of.  And if not, you've got a half bottle of wine left, so get busy erasing this memory from your brain.

Note to Child Protective Services: Macy is drinking apple cider.

At Least I Can Say I've Eaten Cous Cous

Tonight I tried out a tandoori chicken recipe I found on the blog of renowned chef and pregnant woman Angel in the Kitchen. Within 30 seconds of mixing up the approximately 17 pounds of spice needed for the recipe I smelled like a Calcutta health inspector, so I knew I was doing it right.

Donna and I made a trip to the Asian market in Fargo to get our favorite noodles for the completely awesome (if I do say so myself) stir fry I usually make as part of our Lost-watching ritual. While there we decided it would fun to buy some cous cous to make with the chicken, rather than taking the wusses' way out and make white rice.

The directions seemed pretty straightforward: brown the cous cous (which resembles tiny white rabbit turds) in oil until it turns golden brown (and smells like tiny golden brown rabbit turds). Add some chicken stock, simmer for 12 minutes then let stand to soak up the rest of the liquid. How can I say this... oh yeah: It didn't work.

After simmering for about two minutes I realized that all the liquid was gone so I added more. After 15 minutes the cous cous was still hard as a rock and all the liquid was again gone. At this point I figured I had missed something so I went back and re-read the directions. Nope. I should have been eating mushy brown rabbit turds by now.

There was nothing left to do but add more water and simmer. Once all this latest dose of liquid had evaporated, we decided to make some rice after all (way to wuss out, Donna). I realized immediately that I knew how to get the cous cous done: I should have started cooking rice back at the beginning, because, you guessed it, as soon as the rice was done the cous cous was ready too! Yay!

All I can say after tasting it is, ehhh. It's not horrible, but it was not worth the 40 minutes and 900 cubic meters of water needed to turn those steely hard rabbit pellets into something edible. Next time I'm just going to make white rice and cook it with the seasonings the cous cous recipe called for. Yes, I'm going to take white rice and cous cous-ify it. Kinda like trading rabbit turds for mouse turds.

I love Indian food.

P.S. The tandoori chicken was excellent. Served it was some curried squash and baked bread. Really good stuff; I'll be making that again. Go to the link above and try it sometime.

Etou(fee), Brute?

I cracked open the 75th anniversary edition of The Joy of Cooking for the first time and made shrimp etoufee. Good stuff. I finally got to make a roux, which isn't all that exciting except that I love to say "roux" (Raggy! I found a roux!... Hey gang, Scooby found a clue!).

It turned out very well. Since I made a few changes to the recipe, I can share it:

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Peel and de-vein 1 lb shrimp

Toss with:

1 tsp paprika
1 tsp thyme
1 tsp sea salt
1 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp basil
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes

Set shrimp aside.

In a large skillet mix 3 tbsp of olive oil and flour over medium heat. Stir constantly until the roux(!) turns a dark brown (about 20 minutes). Stir in:

1 cup chopped onions
1 cup chopped green peppers
1/2 cup chopped celery
1/2 - 1 lbs of chopped andouille sausage (can substitute smoked sausage, but get the andouille)

Stir until the vegetables are browned, about 5-6 minutes, then add:

2 cloves of garlic
1/2 tsp sage
1/2 tsp thyme

Stir for about 1 minute then stir in:

2 cups chicken stock
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp of your favorite hot sauce

Stir, bringing to a simmer. Remember those shrimp you coated earlier, how they called to you? Throw them in that skillet and return to a simmer. Reduce the heat and let it simmer for about 10 minutes. Add a 1/4 cup of parsley.
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I served it over a bed of white rice with some baked baguette bread and a bottle of Riesling. It was worth the time.